ADHD The Struggle is Real – A Personal Journey with Melissa Part #3

♥ ♥ “Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.” 

– Shannon L. Alder  ♥ ♥

For Part 1 of the series Click Here

For Part 2 of the series Click Here

We left off with my son was about to start 5th grade. He was starting to finally get used to taking meds. He really didn’t like it, understandably, but he did take them. He said it made him feel more in control and “normal”. For anyone who has ADHD, knows someone with ADHD or has had any experience or knowledge with ADHD, you may have an idea and understand what that sentence means. Those that don’t, let me explain. When you have ADHD it’s like you have two tapes going on at the same time in your head. One on super fast speed and one that is at normal speed. The super fast speed is your brain and it is processing thoughts, ideas, and to do lists at what seems like a million MPH where your body may be a little bit wiggly but no where NEAR the speed and intensity of your brain. Then you have the other tape that is what everyone EXPECTS you to do, you strive for, you wish you can but you never really achieve. You are basically having a fight with yourself 24/7 trying to get out your thoughts but in a manner in which you are told to do it not within which you actually process. Seems crazy right. It is.. and makes me feel crazy at times that is for sure. You often say things or do things without the proper time to process consequences of your actions or words. This is one of the struggles. Especially in school. Both my son and I had similar experiences in middle school/junior high where we were smart but often times couldn’t sit down to save our life.

For me, I remember being in 8th grade in math. We were doing the beginnings of algebra. I really got it but then got frustrated because I couldn’t really put the info down. It processed fine in my head but then when it came to actually sitting down and doing it, well that was a different story. Often times I would be looked at as lazy, disrespectful and defiant… To be honest, I was.. I think you would be too if you had people yelling at you, telling you to sit down, wait your turn and tried to stick your “squareness” in a circle box. It’s NEVER going to fit. And it didn’t.  Sadly, I really didn’t like school because of this. I remember one specific teacher, Mr. G that would make fun of me, ridicule me and actually have me sit in a corner WITH A DUNCE cap on because I couldn’t get my work done and would ask questions but he didn’t want to be bothered. Everyone loved this teacher and thought he was cool because he acted like he was cool or “one of us” but in reality, he acted like an immature ass and tried to take the short cut to everything so that he had to do less work. Don’t get me wrong, I was DEFINITELY difficult to deal with but don’t you think you would be too if your teacher was calling you stupid, having you wear a dunce cap and everyone was laughing at you practically daily??  You think those stories really don’t happen to people.. well they do and they did to me.  Little by little I started to hate school, understandably so. Gosh how I wish I knew then what I knew now but woulda coulda shoulda….  At any rate, there were other issues going on as well but school in itself was supposed to be a place that you would learn and want to learn. Not me. I hated going because I knew that in 4th period I was going to be made fun of and it was how my whole year went. The saddest part, I think Mr. G was just like me when he was a kid. So rather than embrace my issues and try to work with them with compassion, he passed on the dysfunction and gave me the blessing of these memories I get to share with you. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a pity party. It’s a lesson. When your kid comes home and hates school. There is a reason… It may take some time to figure it out (to be continued later) but there is a reason. Somehow, I am still not sure how, I graduated 8th grade…. and then started high school…

The thing is…often times people don’t realize that part of the ADHD traits aren’t necessarily complimentary. It is hard as a parent to decipher whether one with ADHD is being defiant or are actually showing the character traits of ADHD such as having no filter, impulsive behavior, can’t sit still, or as Christian and I used to call it.. being wiggly. Impulsive behavior can be a challenging one…. no matter what the age, reason or situation.

So Christian is a few days away from starting fifth grade. He has to go to school to help his teacher Mrs. E before school starts as payment. Payment for what you ask? Payment for throwing a rock at his teachers car at the end of 4th grade to see if he could throw it far enough so it would go over the cars. Yes, you guessed it. It DIDN’T. It hit his TO BE 5th grade teachers car…… A beautiful new BMW……

To Be Continued……